WEDNESDAY, MAY 16, 2018
Jesus has shown me that this is to be an ongoing update. I have restructured this so that the latest updates can be seen in the section below, organized by date.

TUESDAY, APRIL 3, 2018
Just a few days after we stepped out in obedience and shared the vision of this ministry with the first group of people, I received a text that overwhelmed my heart. It said:
"Hey! Our life group wants to help foster and adopt families and you came to mind. Would you talk to Adrian and ask him what needs y'all have? School supplies, meals, prayer items, clothing (size and gender), etc... anything, including for you and Adrian... not just your 5 tribe."
I replied: "Oh my dear friend! OH JESUS! I'm absolutely overwhelmed! Ummmm. I'll have to talk to Adrian... God provides SO! MUCH! for us! Off the top of my head, PRAYER is the ABSOLUTE NEED, ALWAYS! Specifically, with two of our children, LOTS of spiritual warfare! Physical needs...? God ALWAYS provides our needs! I'm so overwhelmed that I cannot think! The one thing... no, two things we TRULY desire is that:
1. God will provide a way for His calling on us to flourish. Adrian is restless in his job because he knows God has called him. He's part owner in the business, but has absolutely no interest in business.
2. Rest. Since we became parents, outside of 2 business trips, we've only had 1 night ... and that was this past November... of get away time. Trying to place all 5 at a place that we trust, that can also handle the trust issues that we deal with.... So let me talk to Adrian and I will get back to you. Thank you so much! I am truly overwhelmed by God's Love and Grace!

When Adrian got home, I shared the text with him. He, too, was overwhelmed. The only real need he could think of off the top of his head was jeans for our oldest daughter.

As I write this, that was 10 days ago. I've had the niggling in my mind that I need to write something about this, but did not know exactly what I was to write. What I had in my mind originally will be a part of this, but, even now, I realize there's a lot more to this.

It's Saturday morning, March 31, 2018- the day before Resurrection Sunday. As I was laying here, just resting in the quiet of the morning, I felt the Lord nudging me to get up and write. I hesitated, not knowing exactly what I was to write about. The last two weeks have been a whirlwind. There are so many things that I need to add to the on-going journal of our journey, yet there's not been time to even process all that Jesus is doing! So, simply out of obedience, I am asking Jesus to guide my every word, for His purpose, and for His glory, in all that this is supposed to be.

In our culture, most of the time we very rarely have actual physical needs. Even the poorest of our poor have so much more than the majority of the world. In the words of Pastor Jeff Harris, "We live in Disneyland, y'all!"

So for the sake of where my mind has been, in regards to this text, let's start there, and just see where Jesus takes us in this.

First, let's look at the meaning of two words:
NEED | noun
1. necessary duty : obligation no need to apologize (the need to pay taxes —Peter Scott)
2. a: a lack of something requisite, desirable, or useful (a building adequate for the company's needs)
b: a physiological or psychological requirement for the well-being of an organism (health and education needs)
3. a condition requiring supply or relief (The house is in need of repair. refugees in need of shelter and food)
4. lack of the means of subsistence; poverty (The community program provides for those in need.)

WANT | (noun)
1. a: deficiency, lack suffers from (a want of good sense)
b: grave and extreme poverty that deprives one of the necessities of life
2. something wanted (need, desire)
3. personal defect; fault

(intransitive verb- without an object)
1. to be needy or destitute
2. to have or feel need (never wants for friends)
3. to be necessary or needed
4. to desire to come, go, or be (the cat wants in wants out of the deal)

(transitive verb- with an object)
1. to fail to possess especially in customary or required amount (lack the answer wanted courtesy)
2. a: to have a strong desire for (wanted a chance to rest)
b: to have an inclination to; like (say what you want, he is efficient)
3. a: to have need of; require (the motor wants a tune-up)
b: to suffer from the lack of (thousands still want food and shelter)
4. ought —used with the infinitive you - (you want to be very careful what you say —Claudia Cassidy)
5. to wish or demand the presence of
6. to hunt or seek in order to apprehend (wanted for murder)

Even now, as I am writing this, I am asking Jesus what He intends in this. These definitions actually lack the essence of where my heart is, so now, my question is, have I been wrong....?

This visionthat God has given us was supposed to be us giving to others. Oh yes, I know we would be receiving as well, but in my mind, the things we would receive are not tangible. But now, Jesus is speaking to others to ask us what we need. My answer is still the same- God ALWAYS supplies our needs! But He also tells us... "You do not have because you have chosen not to ask. And when you do ask, you still do not get what you want because your motives are all wrong—because you continually focus on self-indulgence." (James 4:2-3)

You see, the problem is we do not look at the entire picture. As I was reading this passage of Scripture, Adrian said to me, "Quit thinking so hard. I can see it coming out of your ears. What are you thinking so hard about?" I said to him, "I hate when God does this. He's showing me that I've been wrong about something." Of course, we both agree that He does this all the time!

It's so very important to read the Bible in context! Otherwise, you just get part of the picture. This means that your understanding is skewed, and not at all what God is saying. I realize now that God had me write this morning for me, as well as for others, who possibly may believe they don't have any real needs. When we look at this passage of Scripture in context, it says: "Where do you think your fighting and endless conflict come from? Don’t you think that they originate in the constant pursuit of gratification that rages inside each of you like an uncontrolled militia? You crave something that you do not possess, so you murder to get it. You desire the things you cannot earn, so you sue others and fight for what you want. You do not have because you have chosen not to ask. And when you do ask, you still do not get what you want because your motives are all wrong—because you continually focus on self-indulgence. You are adulterers. Don’t you know that making friends with this corrupt world order is open aggression toward God? So anyone who aligns with this bogus world system is declaring war against the One True God. Do you think it is empty rhetoric when the Scriptures say, “The spirit that lives in us is addicted to envy and jealousy”? You may think that the situation is hopeless, but God gives us more grace when we turn away from our own interests. That’s why Scripture says, God opposes the proud, but He pours out grace on the humble. So submit yourselves to the One True God and fight against the devil and his schemes. If you do, he will run away in failure. Come close to the One True God, and He will draw close to you. Wash your hands; you have dirtied them in sin. Cleanse your heart, because your mind is split down the middle, your love for God on one side and selfish pursuits on the other." (James 4:1-8, VOICE)

Now, let's look at another passage of Scripture:
"For this reason, brothers and sisters, my joy and crown whom I dearly love, I cannot wait to see you again. Continue to stand firm in the Lord, and follow my instructions in this letter, beloved. Euodia and Syntyche, I urge you to put aside your differences, agree, and work together in the Lord. Yes, Syzygus, loyal friend, I enlist you to please help these women. They, along with brother Clement and many others, have worked by my side to spread the good news of the gospel. They have their names recorded in the book of life.

Most of all, friends, always rejoice in the Lord! I never tire of saying it: Rejoice! Keep your gentle nature so that all people will know what it looks like to walk in His footsteps. The Lord is ever present with us. Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come. And know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One.

Finally, brothers and sisters, fill your minds with beauty and truth. Meditate on whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy. Keep to the script: whatever you learned and received and heard and saw in me—do it—and the God of peace will walk with you.

I could hardly contain my joy in the Lord when I realized you have started to show your care for me once again. Since you have not had the opportunity to show how much you cared until now, I want you to know how it touched me. I am not saying this because I am in need. I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances. I know how to survive in tight situations, and I know how to enjoy having plenty. In fact, I have learned how to face any circumstances: fed or hungry, with or without. I can be content in any and every situation through Jesus the Anointed One who is my power and strength. Nevertheless, it was admirable of you to participate in my affliction.

True contentment is the result of a heart committed to the risen Lord. Think of all the sins, pain, and brokenness that come from coveting. Adultery, murder, stealing, and lying can all be traced directly to a prior condition when hearts and minds are frustrated and discontent.

You remember, Philippians, at the beginning of my gospel journey after I left Macedonia, no church offered me the financial assistance I needed to do the Lord’s work, except you alone. Even when I took the message to Thessalonica, you sent provisions to me. Twice even! Not that I am looking for a gift—I am just looking toward your reward that comes from your gift. With what Epaphroditus delivered to me from your generous pockets, I have even been blessed in excess. I am fully satisfied. I know God is pleased with your dedication and accepts this gift as a fragrant offering, a holy sacrifice, on His behalf. Know this: my God will also fill every need you have according to His glorious riches in Jesus the Anointed, our Liberating King. So may our God and Father be glorified forever and ever. Amen." (Philippians 4:1-20)

"Notice what Paul says doesn’t come naturally; it is learned. The normal, natural state of humanity is discontent and quiet desperation. It takes a powerful, spiritual presence to transform anxiety into joyous satisfaction. Ironically, it may be the shackles more than his freedom that schools Paul in the art of contentment. Despite the chains, Paul discovers this beautiful state of inner peace through the power of Jesus residing in him." (Commentary from Philippians 4, The Voice Translation)

And finally, one more passage of Scripture:
Patiently Trust in God
Don’t be angry because of those who do evil, do not be jealous because of those who commit iniquity. Indeed, they soon will wither like grass, and like green herbs they will fade away. Trust in the LORD and do good. Dwell in the land and feed on faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; Trust Him, and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as a light, and your justice as the noonday sun. Be silent in the LORD’s presence and wait patiently for Him. Don’t be angry because of the one whose way prospers or the one who implements evil schemes. Calm your anger and abandon wrath. Don’t be angry— it only leads to evil. Those who do evil will perish. But those who wait on the LORD will inherit the land." Psalm 37:1-9

For anyone reading this, it may not make sense as to why these three passages of Scripture are relevant. However, as Adrian and I passionately pursue our God, there are things in our own lives that we have to face. We are not perfect, it is only Jesus in us that make us righteous. One of the things that I have personally struggled with is generational anger. In fact, it is one of the things that God has led me to write about, using one of the gifts He has given me, as I study and learn more about the spiritual battles we face..

I am also realizing there is also a pride issue that I must face. Especially after receiving the text, asking for what we need, I've really had to ask myself if I am being prideful. If you notice, I asked myself this, I did not ask Jesus. Now I ask myself- was that intentional? Did I intentionally avoid asking Jesus if there was pride in my heart? Is that part of why I had to write this today? I believe that it can all be summed up with Romans 8:26-28, "We are weak and do not know how to pray, so the Spirit steps in and articulates prayers for us with groaning too profound for words. Don’t you know that He who pursues and explores the human heart intimately knows the Spirit’s mind because He pleads to God for His saints to align their lives with the will of God? We are confident that God is able to orchestrate everything to work toward something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan."

Whatever the details are, whatever the reason, I know that I must be obedient to God. I must allow Him to empty me of any pride that He reveals within me. In searching my heart, the Lord has instructed me to be completely vulnerable. I must share anything that comes to my mind. It may seem like a "want" to me, rather than a "need", but there are several things going on here, many . First, I must be completely and totally obedient, even if I do not understand all of the details. I do not need to know why. I always want to know why, but, I don't always NEED to know why! Aha! Needs and wants!

I must patiently trust in God. I must understand that if my children choose to act from evil motives, my job is to pray about everything! I must PRAISE God, because yesterday there was a HUGE breakthrough with one of our sons, in the area of spiritual warfare. THANK YOU JESUS!!

Now, as the text asked me, I am being instructed to list out anything that God brings to my mind that I want at this time. He has instructed me to go to my Amazon wish list, even. This is very, very, VERY uncomfortable for me!